Writers often ask agents, “What makes a query letter work?” The honest answer is that it’s rarely one single thing. It’s usually a series of small, strategic choices that signal confidence, clarity, and market awareness.
Query letters are tiny, high-stakes documents that ask one impossible thing: Make a stranger fall in love with your book in under 300 words. No pressure. Today, we’re going to talk about why some queries spark immediate interest, why others get a polite no, and how to make sure yours is doing the heavy lifting it’s supposed to without sounding like everyone else’s. I’ll give two examples for popular genres: Adult upmarket fiction and women’s fiction.
Let’s get started:
ADULT UPMARKET FICTION
Below are two versions of the same query letter. One is real, the other is my rewrite. The title and some of the details have changed for obvious reasons. One would result in a request; the other would not. We’ll break down why one worked and the other didn’t line by line, instinct by instinct.
Genre: Adult Upmarket Fiction
Word Count: 85,000
Premise: A woman returns to her hometown after her estranged mother’s death and uncovers a long-buried family secret.
Same genre. Same length. Similar emotional terrain.
Very different outcomes.
QUERY LETTER #1 (The One That Didn’t Work)
Dear Agent,
I am writing to seek representation for my novel, THE SILENCE BETWEEN US, an 85,000-word work of adult fiction.
This story explores themes of grief, love, family, memory, and identity. It follows Anna, a woman in her late thirties who returns to her hometown after her mother passes away. While there, she reflects on her childhood, her strained relationship with her mother, and the many secrets that shaped her life.
As Anna reconnects with old friends and revisits familiar places, she begins to understand herself in a new way. Ultimately, this novel is about forgiveness, healing, and the power of truth.
I have always loved reading and writing, and this book is very personal to me. I believe it will resonate with many readers.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Why It Didn’t Work
Let’s be clear: This letter isn’t bad. It’s polite. It’s competent. It’s just, well, for lack of a better word, invisible. It doesn’t have personality and certainly doesn’t advocate for the project.
Here’s what went wrong:
